As I walked up the street recently, I realised that I really didn’t pay much attention to my surroundings too much. I did not recognise the houses, nor could I see any landmarks that I would recognise if somebody asked for me to meet them there. This got me thinking that when I was a kid, I would remember EVERYTHING! I would remember each and every house, pay attention to the cars in the driveway, what street each was on. I realised that I am living my life now as an adult in such as rush, thinking of the next thing that I need to be doing, and absolutely not paying attention to the present moment. No wonder my head was always spinning!
I gave myself an exercise to do. What was it that made it different? For starters, I did not have bills, pressures and deadlines as a kid. Did that matter? Not really.
I looked back in my mind of an afternoon at Nanna’s house which we would walk to each day after school. I would go there with my big brother and sister, Craig and Lisa. We would all meet at the school gate and proceed to walk. I remember the pedestrian crossing, all of us hustling to push the walk sign. Once across safely, my brother would insist daily on being “The Leader”. Regardless of how much I would try to run in front, he would never let me, after all, he was our big brother and as annoying as it felt at the time, I now realise he was looking out for me. When we got to Nanna and Pops home, I can visualise as if it was yesterday opening the gate, walking past the flowers, up the concrete path to the stairs. At the top of the stairs was the door from the built in sunroom at the front of the house enclosed in a mustard yellow glass room. We would walk through there and most days Nanna was on the couch watching Days Of our Lives. We had to stay quiet until that was finished at 4pm or Nanna would get cross. I would sit there quietly and take in my surroundings. I can see the carpet, the stacks of 3 tables with pictures and photographs. There was pictures of both Nanna and Pop both young and perfect. On the walls there were 3 flying ducks hung, just like the tattoos people get these days. Every time I see that tattoo, I think of that room. I can walk into the kitchen and I can still smell the jar which had the Sao Biscuits in it. It never smelt good, so I would put them back and go to Nanna’s cookie jar hoping for a sugary biscuit. It was a ceramic jar made like a grandma. It had on the front, “If Mother asks no, just ask Grandma” and ask every day I did! I can still see the cuckoo clock on the wall. It was turned off as it became a tad annoying for everybody, but never for me! If I asked though, Nanna would turn it on the the little people would come out on the cuckoo and meet up together.
As I write this now, I am smiling from ear to ear. The memories, the happy heart I am experiencing right now is priceless.
So again, I ask myself, When did I stop taking in every moment? I now try a practice I read about recently called “Peripheral Vision Training”. I look at objects and name them, take them in, try to see as much around me. I try to feel every moment. What is the story, what are the smells around me, how does it make me feel? Life changes when you slow down and look at things differently.
I still have the bills, I still have deadlines, I still have commitments. But like a child, I am now again having positive memories that make me feel warm and fuzzy. Try to think about your day every night before bed. What made you happy? What are you grateful for? Think of every little moment as they are the ones that count.
This is Day 4 of my story and thank you for joining me. ❤️