I looked in the mirror and I thought how tired I was. I knew how tired I was as I could feel it. Not a normal its bedtime tired, but a deep fatigue and exhaustion. This was my thought over the next few weeks. I started making a video for work and I couldn’t post up what I had done on that day. I was doing my hula hoop video and I firstly tripped over rocks in the yard and stubbed my toes, my posture was sagging and my face looked drooped with dark and sullen eyes. I didn’t just feel it on the inside any more, it was pushing itself into every inch of my being. Something had to give.
This gave me a time of reflection. I know I like to do a lot and I didn’t want to change this. Stopping things that I love doing was not going to help and I knew that. Changing the way I do things though I knew would. 12 months earlier I had actually made this decision to make some changes in my life. This was the perfect time. I was going to come home from my wedding and honeymoon late January 2018 and start fresh. The commute to work each day and home was playing havoc with the hours in my day. There was an extra half hour there, an extra half hour home. I would drive past the local gym each day which was literally 90 seconds drive after I drop the kids to school and then time my journey. By the end of the year, the traffic and business of the area was getting so bad that some mornings it would be a solid 45 minutes to get to work.
45 minutes isn’t so bad for some commuters, but when I knew it wasn’t necessary and how much more I could fit into my day, this was playing havoc on me. Some people love driving, not me! If I could walk everywhere, my life would be happier right there. Maybe I was born in the wrong era?
February 2018 came and I applied to the local gym. They called back almost immediately and were really keen to get me in. Ill get back to you I exclaimed… but I didn’t get back to them. They emailed, texted and called me again. I explained that this was now a really busy time and I would delay my decision. WHY!!!!! I felt sick inside that I wasn’t making that move and sick inside that I wasn’t making the change I had promised myself. AGAIN WHY? I knew why…. FEAR!! I was scared of change. I was scared of failure, I was scared of the unknown. So instead, I lived the next 12 months every day timing my commute to work which got longer and longer to the gym that was changing and evolving to a big, busy, crazy gym which I was no longer enjoying also. I loved my clients and they kept me going back, but I was lacking that motivation and passion for my every day life.
There are always signs in life and my study had me start learning of History of Naturopathy and Homeopathy. We started talking about “Vital Force”. What is the vital force? I had to do my discussion forum and I could feel my entire being start coming alive again. I hadn’t felt this feeling for ages. As I imagined what the vital force was, words flooded out… Its the Fire in your belly, The passion in your soul…. It’s what Ive been missing as Ive betrayed myself for fear. Here I am studying a university degree to enable and assist people to live their best life and I wasn’t doing this myself! What a phoney I am!!!!
So, I did it! I put in my notice at the gym with a plan for my desires. This morning it really hit me how much I am going to miss my clients and my colleagues. It’s going to be really sad and I have been with my clients through some amazing and challenging times for us both. In life though, we need to do what is best for us and sometimes be that little bit selfish. After again this morning getting into a traffic jam and walking into work with my heart pounding, my breathing shallow and in a mad rush to beat the clock, I realised that the 90 second journey or some work from home developing the programs and dream career I have wanted for so long is not an option anymore but a necessity.
Once my breathing returned to normal, I again enjoyed every client session and felt that passion return that is what was driving me. I know I had made the right decision and this year for 2019, fear will be my friend. Fear again has me excited to take a new challenge and to live my dreams. I am excited to be that little bit afraid and the butterflies in my stomach feel so amazing!!
I’m sure Ill have good and bad days like we all do. If every day you are getting out of bed and thinking that there is so much more you can do, then just do it!!!! Back yourself, believe in yourself, create a plan, learn, study, do whatever it takes, but just don’t have regrets that another year has passed…❤️❤️❤️